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For her traumatic wounds to heal, the victim of abuse requires closure – one final interaction with her tormentor in which he, hopefully, acknowledges his misbehaviour and even tenders an apology. Fat chance. Few abusers – especially if they are narcissistic – are amenable to such weakling pleasantries. More often, the abused are left to wallow in a poisonous stew of misery, self-pity, and self-recrimination.

Depending on the severity, duration, and nature of the abuse, there are three forms of effective closure.

Conceptual Closure

This most common variant involves a frank dissection of the abusive relationship. The parties meet to analyze what went wrong, to allocate blame and guilt, to derive lessons, and to part ways cathartically cleansed. In such an exchange, a compassionate offender (quite the oxymoron, admittedly) offers his prey the chance to rid herself of cumulating resentment.

He also disabuses her of the notion that she, in any way, was guilty or responsible for her maltreatment, that it was all her fault, that she deserved to be punished, and that she could have saved the relationship (malignant optimism). With this burden gone, the victim is ready to resume her life and to seek companionship and love elsewhere.

Retributive Closure

When the abuse has been “gratuitous” (sadistic), repeated, and protracted, conceptual closure is not enough. Retribution is called for, an element of vengeance, of restorative justice and a restored balance. Recuperation hinges on punishing the delinquent and merciless party. The penal intervention of the Law is often therapeutic to the abused.

Regrettably, the victim’s understandable emotions often lead to abusive (and illegal) acts. Many of the tormented stalk their erstwhile abusers and take the law into their own hands. Abuse tends to breed abuse all around, in both prey and predator.

Dissociative Closure

Absent the other two forms of closure, victims of egregious and prolonged mistreatment tend to repress their painful memories. In extremis, they dissociate. The Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) – formerly known as “Multiple Personality Disorder” – is thought to be such a reaction. The harrowing experiences are “sliced off”, tucked away, and attributed to “another personality”.

Sometimes, the victim “assimilates” his or her tormentor, and even openly and consciously identifies with him. This is the narcissistic defence. In his own anguished mind, the victim becomes omnipotent and, therefore, invulnerable. He or she develops a False Self. The True Self is, thus, shielded from further harm and injury.

According to psychodynamic theories of psychopathology, repressed content rendered unconscious is the cause of all manner of mental health disorders. The victim thus pays a hefty price for avoiding and evading his or her predicament.

Sam Vaknin ( samvak.tripod.com ) is the author of Malignant Self Love – Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain – How the West Lost the East. He served as a columnist for Global Politician, Central Europe Review, PopMatters, Bellaonline, and eBookWeb, a United Press International (UPI) Senior Business Correspondent, and the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory and Suite101.

Until recently, he served as the Economic Advisor to the Government of Macedonia.

Visit Sam’s Web site at samvak.tripod.com

You’ve decided to get married and tie the proverbial knot. Now comes the part where you and your future spouse must choose the symbols of your imminent union, your rings. To simplify this task, keep these thoughts in mind when you begin shopping. After all, with your wedding date fast approaching, finding the right rings at the right price will simply be one of the worries you’ll have to contend with.

Your first decision will be the type of material you want for your bands, which may be yellow gold, white gold, platinum, titanium, or even as unusual sounding a material as tungsten. The metal you choose will be very important. Not only will the metal used to make a ring determine its appearance, it will also go a long way toward determining its strength, weight, and durability, as well.

It goes without saying, of course, that yellow and white gold wedding bands are still the most commonly worn rings today. But, with regard to durability, they are also among the weaker choices, as gold is softer and less dense than many other metals used for ring construction. Here’s a tip: if you really want gold bands, but also want your rings to hold up over time, choose a 14k or 10k ring versus an 18k ring. A lower karat number indicates a lower percentage of true gold mixed together with a higher percentage of added metals, which makes, nicely enough, for a stronger ring. Ironically, when it comes to gold rings, the less expensive the ring, the stronger the ring actually is.

Of course, if you are looking for real strength and durability, consider a platinum band. Platinum is incredibly strong due to its metal density, so if you want the ultimate in precious metal strength and durability, platinum is for you. However, platinum is even more of a “precious metal” than gold, due to its rarity. And that brings us to our next consideration: cost.

Rings, like any type of traditional-event purchase, fall into pricing categories that cater to high-end buyers, mid-range buyers, and lower-end buyers (typically, this covers young soon-to-be-marrieds who are just starting out and may barely have a roof over their heads after the reception is concluded). Gold rings of various styles and karat weights are certainly available to buyers in all price ranges. Platinum, though, may bring up cost issues that are not advantageous for many young couples starting out.

However, if you are looking for rings that are “different”, very durable and strong, and, at the same time, are not particularly expensive, you may wish to consider bands constructed of titanium. Titanium is an extraordinary metal that, by weight, is stronger than steel. It is an also an inert metal that is impervious to corrosion or decay. And, nicely enough, despite the fact that it is so very strong, bands made of titanium tend to be fairly inexpensive. Yet titanium may be a perfect choice for those who work with their hands, such as mechanics and carpenters.

Once you’ve decided on the type of bands you want (material, appearance, durability, and price range), your next step will be to decide where to make the actual purchase. In some regards, this is very similar to car shopping. As with buying a car, you consider first what you want and then consider where you should go to get the best deal in terms of quality and cost.

Where should you go to buy your wedding bands? Well, there are a large number of franchise jewelry stores to choose from. However, a local and “locally-owned” jewelry store may offer better service, and, potentially, a greater willingness to “bargain” (though, it should be said that chain stores can often use an economy of scale to drive prices down considerably). Also, though chain stores may feature financing arrangements on ring purchases, locally owned stores may offer financing that is more flexible.

But, regardless of the type of wedding bands you ultimately decide on, or even where you decide to buy them, you will, without a doubt, save a considerable amount of stress and, perhaps, money, if you simply consider, beforehand, what it is that you truly want and can be satisfied with.

The author of this article is Tim Moore, who publishes a website on SSI Disability Claims which features an SSI Claims Q&A section.

To raise questions about your marriage and relationship and try to find answers is a very helpful exercise. It reveals quite a lot about the present state of affairs and gives hint about what corrective action can be taken to make the marriage stronger. One should not take the marriage and the relationship for granted but keep on quizzing about how it is going. Questions such as -
what joy are we getting in our marriage, what faith we have in each other, are we in love, and so on will make anyone think and ponder over the married relationship.

A marriage is like a river. It keeps on flowing through different obstacles. Consider the sea as the goal of marriage – to get joy in a married relationship and have a long and fulfilling marriage. During the journey, a marriage will go through many ups and downs. It is for us to quiz ourselves about our marriage and sort out the issues that hurt us.

We tend to forget that our marriage is made of two people. Our focus is always on how we feel, what we want, what we are getting, how to satisfy ourselves more, our partner’s behavior with us and so on. As we focus more about ourselves, our partner gets to feel neglected. It is difficult to say how many of us quiz their partner about how they are feeling with the marriage and raise all the questions in the context of how they are feeling and what they desire.

As we focus not only on ourselves but also on our partner, the marriage will become stronger. Because the partner will get the feeling of getting attention about his/her feelings. Our selfishness should not kill our marriage, because it will always end in a disaster. One fine day when our partner walks out, we are shocked and wonder – what went wrong? We should have taken more care of our partner’s feeling, desires and emotions. We never did that. So the result was their walking out. Why should we get surprised? We did that. Therefore it is important to quiz ourselves and our partner about our marriage continuously. That will show us the areas of dissatisfaction. That will make us aware of what has to be set right and what changes need to be brought to make a better marriage.

You can try the marriage and relationship quizzes on Internet Websites to find out more about your married relationship. The more you know, the better informed you get. With more information, you can find out timely solutions to any cracks that may be developing in your marriage. A marriage should make us happy and not miserable.

C.D. Mohatta writes articles and advice on Dating and Love. He also writes for Free Screensavers on Love, and Inspiration and content for Tests and Quiz on Dating, Personality and Love.

Whether you want to add a little extra romance to an evening reception or a little glow to your house of worship, candles are a natural, effortless addition to your wedding theme. You’ll have no trouble finding a role for candles at the wedding ceremony, at the reception, and even as part of the floral displays.

Unity Candles

Join the growing number of couples who include a unity candle as part of the wedding ceremony. Perhaps you think that unity candles are steeped in a rich history of religious tradition, or perhaps you think that unity candles are the invention of the candle makers to sell an extra candle or 10,000. Neither is the case. The exact evolution of the unity candle is uncertain, but since it began 30-40 years ago, it seems that we have that ever-lively 60s generation to thank for yet another custom that has wormed its way into modern life.

I’d like to propose my own idea of the unity candle’s originan unlikely science experiment. You can perform this experiment yourself. Light two tapered candles, or use whatever candles you have handy. Note the height and brilliance of each flame. Now, join the two flames together and look at the single flame. The united flame is taller, stronger and brighter than the sum of the two individual flames. Isn’t that what marriage is supposed to bea single unit stronger than the sum of its parts?

The most traditional of the variations on the theme is the tall, thick white candle in the center of a candleholder surrounded on each side by a white taper. During the wedding ceremony, the bride and groom light the center unity candle with the two tapers, creating the stronger flame as a symbol of the stronger unity gained through marriage.

Beyond the traditional unity ceremony, today’s weddings provide the opportunity for many variations, particularly second weddings that include children. If each partner has children, the children may light the unity candles. Sometimes, parents from each family light the unity candle. You’ll want to preserve the moment in a picture, because it’s unlikely you’ll find this level of cooperation again.

If you carry a hand-tied bouquet, incorporate a white taper into the bouquet, and carry the taper up the aisle. The groom can hold his taper until you reach the altar, when you each place your taper into the unity candleholder to accentuate the unity theme.

If your house of worship doesn’t allow unity ceremonies, conduct the ceremony at the reception right before the toast.

Candles for Your Wedding Decor

Consider candles an integral part of your floral displays to add warmth to a sterile reception hall environment. Select your candles first, and then select flowers to complement the candles. If you maintain the candle as the focal point, you’ll spend a lot less money on bridal flowers.

Place a single sculptured candle by the guest book, for example. Incorporate candles into your table displays at the reception. You can actually use candle displays in place of floral displays. Consider the idea of floating candle displays at the center of each table. They’re low enough to allow conversation without talking through flowers.

You’re not limited to white candles. Work the candles into your color scheme: silver and gold for holiday weddings. Nor do you have to limit yourself to unadorned candles. Ribbons add a nice accent to simple candles. Select elegant candles for a formal wedding and less formal sculpted, marbled, or otherwise embellished candles for less formal weddings.

Candles as Wedding Favors

Candles always make nice gifts, and you can capitalize on this by selecting a candle for your wedding favor. A small, beautifully wrapped candle makes a wedding favor that your guests will appreciate and display at homesomething to remember your special day.

However you choose to add candles to your wedding, their warm flame will add to the ambiance of an already glowing moment.

M J Plaster is a successful author who provides information on shopping online for unity & wedding candles and candles in general. M J Plaster has been a commercial freelance writer for almost two decades, most recently specializing in home and garden, the low-carb lifestyle, investing, and anything that defines la dolce vita.

Going through the Pain Barrier

Nobody likes pain but its there for a purpose. I am a long time supporter of The Leprosy Mission and one of the things that I’ve discovered about leprosy is that its not normally the disease that results in a persons fingers or toes falling off, it’s the fact that the disease of leprosy stops a person being able to feel pain and so they will unconsciously burn themselves badly and not feel it. The nerve endings have been damaged and so they cannot feel pain at all and the results, more often than not, are the hideous deformities that we now associate with a leper. A leper would love to feel pain because they know that pain is given to us to warn our bodies that something is wrong that needs put right, if possible. Pain is not always a bad thing.

I run marathons. Do you think I feel pain when I run a marathon? You bet I do! A marathon is one of the supreme tests of endurance that average people can undertake. During the run your body uses up all its stores of carbohydrates and other necessary body fuels and then begins to feed off itself – it turns cannibal, if you like. This is painful. As well as that, it is not uncommon to pull a muscle, develop a blister, get a stitch, hurt your joints or any other number of painful ailments. Your body is telling you to stop, this is damaging to it! In this context, pain is your body’s natural way to tell you that you are overdoing it – and of course you are. However, all of us can ‘overdo it’ for a lot longer than we think is possible initially. We can learn to acknowledge the pain and, whilst taking steps to minimise it, we can still run on and on. Mind over matter if you like.

One of the great acts of heroism I ever witnessed was during an Olympic marathon when the Tanzanian representative fell during the race badly injuring himself. He got up and struggled on in obvious pain whilst all the other runners disappeared up the road in front of him. It was demoralising for him but he refused to give up. He struggled on and entered the stadium with only a few people still left in the stands to cheer him home. He finished the race with blood pouring from his leg wound just as they were taking down the finishing line and a television reporter asked why he hadn’t just given up after falling so badly. His response was brilliant. He replied, “My country did not send me here to start a race. They sent me to finish a race!” Too many of us start the race but are not so committed to finishing.

I am firmly convinced that if a couple acknowledge to each other that there will be times of pain then they will be better able to cope with it for a period when it happens. In the western world, we have been brought up with this strange belief that we should never suffer and so, when we inevitably do hit times of suffering, we have not prepared ourselves to handle it properly. I have a friend who lectures on philosophy in universities in many third world countries. He says that one question he is never asked in third world countries is, “Why does God allow suffering?” The reason for this is that suffering is just such a normal part of their lives that they cannot imagine that anyone doesn’t suffer. In fact it’s the suffering that makes them into the people they are. Can you accept that suffering makes you a better person?

Here are five things we can do when we feel pain in our relationship:-

1. We need to acknowledge that there is pain and try to isolate what is causing it.
As we have said already in regard to the lepers, pain has a purpose. It tells us that something is not right. When we feel pain in our relationship we need to stop and analyse why we are feeling that particular pain. When I was an accountant and had a bit more money at my disposal, one of the things I would do when I felt some pain in my marriage was to throw a bit of money at it. We’d take a holiday, go for a nice meal, buy some new clothes, get our hair done up (well at least my wife would do this). Now, if you’ve got the resources, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with any of these things but we need to be aware that by distracting our minds for a little while from the cause of the pain it doesn’t make the pain go away long term. It only puts a plaster over a wound that needs treatment. However, all we were doing by throwing money at our problems was delaying the inevitable and sooner or later we would have a big argument.

It’s a bit like developing a toothache. Sure, you can dull the pain by putting some painkilling drug on your gum but if the cause of the pain is not dealt with, we know that it will flare up again, and next time even more painfully. Indeed if we kept on ignoring the pain then it might result in a tooth being removed. What started out as a simple toothache resulted in surgery. Not good.
In marriage there are a number of ways of figuring out what is causing the pain. Most of them common sense. You could try just talking to each other. Now there’s a novel suggestion! You could try doing the simple exercises in chapter 2 of this book and then discussing the results. You could talk to a professional counsellor who is trained to get to the bottom of painful issues. Whatever you decide to do it is crucial that you do something and do not ignore your pain. Once again the keyword is action.

2. The second thing we can try when pain rears its probing head is something that might seem very obvious but it is worth stating again just in case you miss it. Make sure that the pain you feel is associated with your marriage and not something else, like your job or even your children. So often we can be under pressure at our work and then come home and take it out on our partner. This is called displacing the pain. One of the things that I had to learn to do was to actually say to my wife, when I came home after a particularly hard day at work, that I was feeling stressed and tired. At first it felt like a confession of weakness and it wasn’t easy for me to admit that sometimes I wasn’t coping as well as I’d like to pretend. When I admitted as much to my wife, almost every time she was able to understand and take a bit more of the household pressure for a short time.

On other occasions the pressure was in the other direction and after a hard day of dealing with young children my wife would sometimes take out her frustrations on me. If I failed to recognise that this was happening the result could easily be a full-blown argument over pain that had been displaced. It is very important to be able to admit to feeling under pressure and to ask for some help from your spouse. If you don’t, the pain you feel elsewhere will automatically come out in your marriage.

3. The third thing to fix in your mind and believe is that pain is not a signal that your marriage is over.
When I’m running a marathon I need to keep reminding myself that pain is a totally natural for this event and expected part of the race. I do not give up at the first twinge or even at quite severe pain. I battle through it. Of course, I have to put up with some pain if I want to finish the race. One thing that drives me nuts these days is when I read a report in a newspaper of the latest celebratory couple who have split up citing ‘irreconcilable differences’ as the cause. What they are really saying is that they encountered a wee bit pain and so just gave up! Usually they live such a pampered lifestyle that any sort of pain is just not acceptable and so they walk away (to repeat the exercise with someone else). Do not succumb to this modern malaise. If you never learn how to put up with a bit of pain, every relationship you enter into will head down the same path. If you don’t believe me, just check out the marriages in Hollywood. Don’t become a quitter. Pain is not the end – it’s a sign that something needs to be done. In fact, it can be a beginning if you let it.

4. Stop focusing on the pain.
Whatever you focus on will begin to define who you are. If all you can see are the bad things in your marriage it won’t be long until your marriage accurately reflects your focus. In a marathon, if I keep thinking about how painful it is, there is a big temptation to give up. So what I do is to try and focus on more pleasant things such as the scenery, the joy of running, the anticipation of finishing, other runners (especially those who dress up in stupid outfits), anything to divert my attention from the pain for a little while. It’s amazing how often the pain is actually more mental than physical. I believe that the same thing can be achieved in marriage. Instead of focusing on the toothpaste lid or the toilet seat (to quote just two clichés) why not focus on your partner’s great sense of humour or their willingness to always switch off the lights or any of a hundred other endearing qualities? It’s amazing how trivial the irritations become when you remove them from the centre of your focus.

Try this simple exercise. Take a very small coin and hold it arms length between your finger and thumb. Does it block out much of the view behind it? No, obviously it doesn’t. Now bring the coin up closer and closer to your eye and close the other eye. What happens? It blocks your view almost completely, doesn’t it? It’s only a small coin but it can completely obliterate your view if you let it. Often the same thing happens in marriage. You can forget all the tremendous blessings you have together and focus on the one tiny fault until it takes over and dominates your thinking. Don’t allow it to do so. Now, what you’ve just read might sound like a contradiction to point 1 but its not. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting here that you bury your head in the sand regarding pain in your marriage but what I am saying is to make sure that the thing you think is causing you pain is actually as bad as you are making out. Have you just become so used to whining about something that it has come to dominate your thinking unnecessarily? Don’t let a small pain obliterate your view of a great marriage.

5. Share the Pain
Can I just remind you of something? You are married. It’s okay to share the hard things with your spouse. Remember the vows that you took? “For better and for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.” Perhaps you’ve always felt that you had to be strong and support your spouse and so when you feel pain what do you do? Pretend it’s not sore? Tell him/her that you can cope? Why don’t you just admit that you’re finding something tough and ask for their support? It might be the very thing that draws you together. Share , share, share.

As I draw to the end of this chapter I want to leave you with an amusing story.

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking. “Look, there’s couple who have been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!”

The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray. There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.

Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were thinking. “That poor old couple.” As the old man began eating his French fries, a young man stood up and walked to the old couples’ table. He politely offered to buy another meal. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything and, anyway, their appetites were not what they used to be.

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn’t eaten a thing. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal. This time, the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing. As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked one last time if he could buy them one more meal.

After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, “Ma’am, why aren’t you eating. You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?” She answered, ………… “The teeth!”

Aaaagghhh! Yes I know it’s disgusting, but its probably not a true story and anyway it does illustrate the principle of sharing in a way that you will not forget. Will you?

Back to pain. As I said in the opening sentence, nobody enjoys pain. However, if you can just acknowledge what it is trying to tell you, but not allow it to knock you off track, then your marriage will survive and grow.

If you would like to read more of my ebook then please go immediately to my website www.themarriagesite.com

William Milton is a married man (26 years) who lives near London, England with his wife and two children and his Jack Russell Terrier called Swizzle. He enjoys reading, running and golf.

Irish traditions are rich and full of both whimsy and sentiment. This is especially true when it comes to weddings and marriage. The Irish symbolize beautifully the real meaning of marriage with their wedding rings. Celtic engagement rings and wedding bands have a style all their own, but still lend themselves to adding your own personal touches. An antique gold ring with the telltale woven pattern is the perfect symbol of the blending of two lives.

Designing Your Celtic Engagement Rings

Once you’ve decided you love the tradition of the Irish wedding ring, you can design your own engagement ring and wedding bands to incorporate those styles.

First you begin with the precious metal that will hold the pattern and any gemstones. Rings can be fashioned out of gold, silver, or platinum. Jewelers will tell you what material best suits the stones you may be setting within the ring. Platinum for example is the perfect material for setting a high quality diamond since it will not discolour or yellow the stone as gold may.

Next the metal is moulded into the traditional woven Celtic pattern. Even an antique Celtic ring can be remade to suit the new couple’s preferences. It can be carefully resized as to not lose the pattern and it can have personal gemstones added to it.

Rings can be made in many different widths too. For example, if you have a one carat diamond, you will probably want a wider band than a carat diamond would hold. That is true especially if you want to show off the intertwined pattern and not have it hidden by the stone.

Adding gems to a Celtic style ring gives you many design options. You can intersperse small stones throughout the crosses on the weaving or add one centre stone. The stone can be part of the engagement ring with a solitaire placed there, and then have either a plain Celtic band or one with several coordinating stones. The design possibilities are endless.

Making Your Ring a Part of the Wedding Ceremony

It is customary in many Jewish, Christian or non denominational wedding services to exchange rings. To further highlight the reason you chose a celtic engagement ring, you can include a brief message of its meaning on your invitation.

The meaning of the intertwined or woven pattern is symbolic of the blending and joining of two lives into one never ending circle. You can further enhance this message through the music you choose for your ceremony.

Irish or not, using Celtic engagement rings and Irish music will make any wedding ceremony and reception special. This is a day to always remember and the rings you wear will be a part of that memory long after the champagne is gone and the guests have returned home. Keep the feelings you have on that day a part of everyday with the symbolic ring style.

Clinton Maxwell is writer/webmaster at http://www.engagement-rings-tips.com which is an internet site for information. Clinton is featuring jewelry and articles on affordable rings.

Slideshows for weddings are becoming popular all across the nation. What makes this new slideshow tradition so popular? What’s all the hype? Do people really want to watch a slideshow production of two people? What’s the difference between a wedding slideshow and home movies? I was always taught that the best way to get rid of unwanted guests is to pull out the pictures or throw on some home movies! So, is this what we’re trying to do with our wedding slideshows? Get rid of our guests?

Absolutely not! The differences between home movies and wedding slideshows are as different as apples and oranges. Home movies were taken to give memories to that particular family. The opposite is true with wedding slideshows. In addition to having a wonderful keepsake to hand down to the generations, wedding slideshows are created to entertain all guests. Wedding slideshows are funny, sentimental, heart-felt, warm, and loving. And when done properly, will include many of the guests in the wedding slideshow production. And who doesn’t like to see themselves on the big screen?

Wedding slideshows are a great way to introduce yourself and your new love to all the guests. Almost everyone has guests at their weddings that may not know the bride or the groom because of the distance of miles. Wedding slideshow productions paints a perfect picture of the bride and groom’s lives and how they met. When done properly wedding slideshows capture the essence of the bride and groom’s love and how it has grown.

Don’t be shy about creating a wedding slideshow for your wedding. When properly done it will be the hit of the evening and the talk of your guests for years to come. They say that a single picture is worth a thousand words. If that’s true, then the wedding slideshow is the most beautiful story you could ever create to show off your true love. Isn’t this a part of what the wedding day is about? To display your love to the world as you begin your lives together?

In addition to showing your love to all your family and friends through a slideshow for your wedding, wedding slideshows are highly entertaining and great ice-breakers at any wedding reception. Wedding slideshows are also a great way to say thank you to your parents and all those in your wedding party by having a special segment of the wedding slideshow just for them.

So call your wedding slideshow specialist today and get started on created a beautiful and sentimental slideshow for your wedding. Sands of Time Multimedia Creations are specialists at creating unique wedding slideshows that will entertain and delight all your guests. So get started today in creating a slideshow for your wedding. You and your guests will be glad you did!

Sandra Clukey, Slideshow Consultant and Creator for Sands of Time Multimedia Creations http://SandsofTimeMultimediaCreations.com/ Visit us and experience the difference! View samples here: http://sandsoftimemultimediacreations.com/index-1.html See her article “12 Steps to a Successful Slideshow Production” http://sandsoftimemultimediacreations.com/articles/12Steps.htm You may publish my articles on your website only if you do not edit the article in any way, and include author bio and all links and html as direct links to our site.

Wedding cakes have become an essential decoration in the wedding venue. The first thing guests would buzz about is how magnificent your wedding cake is. Choosing the right cake should be meticulously done. With a little patience and the quick tips below, picking the best cake should as easy as walking down the aisle.

Choose the right bakeshop If you have an idea on where the best bakery is in your city, then head to that place immediately. You can ask suggestions from your friends or family members also. Get a reservation at once. Do not procrastinate. The availability of cake decorators might be restricted. Be sure to drop by the bakeshop to talk about the designs, flavors and other things you wanted to add to your cake. Be sure to give a detailed description of exactly what you want your cake to be. Give the vendor ample time to prepare, approximately six months ahead of your big day would do. You may need to pay a deposit fee for reservation.

The right taste Aside from the look of the cake, keep in mind that cakes are made primarily for eating. They should taste good as well as they look good. The texture and flavor of the cake itself is important. When scouting for a bakeshop, don’t hesitate to ask for cake samples of the flavors you want. If they do not allow this, jump to the next store.

Check on your budget Wedding cakes ranges from $300 to $1000 or so. Cost primarily depends on the cake design you want. You have to pay for the cake decorator’s fee on top of the cost of the cake itself. Know what your budget is ahead of time. Some shops may give you free delivery too. Most bakeshop has a standard number of servings for each cake type. Know how many guests would attend your wedding so you would know more or less how much money you would allocate for the cake.

Flowers as decorations Flowers have been a traditional thing on weddings. You can well put them in cakes too. You can either choose from fresh flowers or artificial ones. Fresh flowers are beautiful addition to your cakes. But it is very important that you choose fresh flowers wisely. Be sure that they are free from chemicals. Just to be on the safe side, sugar flowers are safer. These are edible gum paste decorations that have wire or toothpicks on them.

Where to place the cake Most cakes, especially on summer, might end up melted under the heat of the sun. They can also cause flowers and flavored curls to dry up. Not to mention the possibility of flies gathering on your priced cake. Just be sure, always have a back up site where you can store your cakes to preserve its look and taste. Never place your wedding cake near the dance floor or where there is a heavy flow of traffic. You might just see your cake fall down. That’s not a good sight at all! Be sure to check the sturdiness of the table you would place your cake.

Buying wedding cakes can be fun and hassle-free. Remember that your wedding cakes needs to be presentable, most of the photo opts are done beside the cake. It’s always nice to give out that bright smile beside you’re well decorated cake that brings out your personal statement.

A New Jersey Wedding Reception has much variety, elegance and grandeur to choose from for wedding couples. This would be even more pronounced if your budget for the wedding reception is large enough for engaging the best wedding reception venue that New Jersey has to offer.

It would be advisable to scout around at other New Jersey wedding receptions in order to determine your choices. You will then have a good idea for the theme of your wedding reception. Do you want to host it at a prestigious city hotel? Would you want to have a grand and romantic wedding reception held in a manor or a mansion? How about a reception in a park with wide spaces of lush greenery?

Whatever your choice may be, all of the above is possible for your wedding reception in New Jersey. All of these wedding reception locations are unique and distinctive, each of them with their own theme and specialties. In the end, the wedding couple should evaluate each of these venues based on their desires, their wedding reception budget, type of food served, service levels, ambience, elegance, decor and accessibility for visitors.

For instance, food may be a problem as some venues may not have the right selections, so engaging an outside caterer may be an alternative as long as the venue management allows it. Other elements of a New Jersey wedding that needs to be taken into consideration would be the type of music as well as the choice of floral arrangements, wedding cake and wedding favors for the guests.

Today, Norm Goldman, Editor of Sketchandtravel and Bookpleasures is pleased to have as a guest Judy Allen. Judy is the author of Your Stress Free Wedding Planner (Sourcebooks, Inc.), as well as five professional books on event planning (John Wiley and Sons).

Judy has created-produced-orchestrated special events in over 30 countries for up to
2,000 guests.

Good day Judy and thank you for agreeing to our interview.

Norm:

Judy, could you tell us something about yourself and how you became involved in wedding planning?

Judy:

I started out in travel and managing one of the highest producing offices for a national chain. As part of my office’s growth, I developed corporate business, which evolved into handling all of their corporate events such as incentives, conferences, conventions, product launches and social corporate branding events.
Subsequently, I joined one of the leading incentive houses to design custom one- of- a kind events around the world for corporate clients.

Over ten years ago, I opened my own special events company. As a result, I have created-produced-orchestrated corporate and social special events around the world for over fifteen years, including the gala theatrical opening for Disney’s Beauty and the Beast and the co-ordination of Oscar winning director Norman Jewison’s 25th Anniversary Celebration of Fiddler on the Roof.

In addition, I am also the author of five best-selling professional books on event planning that are being used around the world by industry and business professionals, and as teaching tools by Universities and Colleges.

The foreign rights for my second book, The Business of Event Planning, have been sold to China and Russia, and Harvard has deemed my third book, Event Planning Ethics and Etiquette, a “must read” for event planning and small business professionals.

The event planning series of books came about as a result of my being called “to run and rescue” non-profit gala events days before an event was scheduled to take place.

I noticed that many charitable organisations were clueless as to what to be aware of and wary of when planning events. I found this most disturbing.

The same situation occurred with wedding planning. Clients or their friends began to consult with me regarding their personal wedding plan needs. I kept hearing from them as to how stressful they found the process to be- the hidden costs and surprises they kept encountering along the way. Because of the direction I am taking my company, I do limit the number of weddings that I personally become involved in.

I wrote Your Stress Free Wedding Planner as a means to provide couples with what they need to know from a design, budget, implementation (logistics) and orchestration perspective – not etiquette – when they go to plan their wedding. I wanted to give them a wedding planning tool that would held them enjoy the process, lessen the stress and show them how to create a wedding day that is meaningful, memorable and magical.

Norm:

Could you tell us something about your book Your Stress Free Wedding Planner?

Judy:

I have shared with readers the ten key planning steps, that when followed in sequential order, will allow the bride and groom-to-be to create and co-ordinate a wedding that will exceed their expectations and stay within their wedding budget guidelines. It does not matter if a couple has six weeks to plan their wedding or a year or more, the event planning principles I have designed and the order of the steps which be followed for optimum results, remain the same.

Your Stress Free Wedding Planner simplifies the wedding planning process and allows everyone involved to relax, and enjoy the festivities that lead up to this very special day, secure in the knowledge that everything has been attended to.

What is unique about Your Stress Free Wedding Planner is the wedding design questionnaire that will show the bride and the groom how to combine their individual wedding visions and take them their personal idea of a dream wedding to one that will become “our” dream wedding. I also show couples contract red flag areas – that can cost them thousands of dollars more than they expected – that they need to be aware of before they sign on the dotted line as well as areas of negotiation and terms and conditions that they need to have amended on their contracts.

Norm:

If you had to choose 5 of the most romantic wedding destinations in the world, which ones would you choose and why?

Judy:

For me 5 of the most romantic wedding destinations in the world would be

Greece/Greek Islands for their beauty, ambience and history – you can relax, sightsee, and have fun exploring as a couple:

South Pacific (Bora Bora) – getting married on the beach and honeymooning in an over the water thatched bungalow with glass bottom floors – perfect setting in a romantic paradise

Bali – staying at the Four Seasons that come with private plunge pools and secluded outdoor showers – a romantic hideaway from the world:

Egypt (getting married with Pyramids as the backdrop) then on to the Valley of the Kings/cruising the Nile (honeymoon) exotic and a trip of a lifetime:

Italy – Rome, Venice, Tuscany, Capri, Florence – so many romantic choices to choose from. You can hold your wedding reception in a castle, rent a private villa in Tuscany, hold the wedding and reception there (and honeymoon for the rest of your stay), take-over a medieval hamlet or be married or hold your wedding reception in a winery. Italy just has the air of romance.

Norm:

You have indicated that you have sailed on all types of yachts/ships. Which yacht or ship did you find to be the most romantic?

Judy:

Failing to afford chartering your own private yacht and set your own course, I personally found Windstar Cruises to be more romantic than larger cruiselines. I liked the more intimate feeling aboard ship.

Their guest count ranges in the low hundreds (148 to 308) as opposed to the in the thousands and they are not geared to having children onboard. I also like that you have the luxury of eating meals at your leisure and not at set times, summoned by a bell.

There are no formal seating table assignments – you can dine or your own or with couples you have met, there are no jacket and tie requirements and should you chose dinner can be served to your cabin. I also like the tucked away ports of calls available to you – due to being on a smaller sailing vessel — and the easy on and off of the ship. And sitting out on deck, under the stars when the sails are unfurled is extremely romantic.

Norm:

What is a wedding planner and how do you separate the good ones from the incompetent?

Judy:

What is a wedding planner and how do you separate the good ones from the incompetent?

In the planning industry there are two types of planners: Event Planners and Wedding Planners.

Generally, event planners handle designing and producing corporate, social and non-profit events. The types of events they are involved in can be quite diverse — from complex one-day entertaining events strategically planned to meet business objectives to corporate learning, performance, motivational events and elaborate arrangements of incentive or product launch theme productions that take place over the course of a week around the world. Some event planners handle not only event design, but also education and entertaining components (transportation, accommodation, food, beverage, decor, entertainment, themes) but also multimedia stage production. This is the type of event planning that I have been primarily involved in.

Wedding planners work with newly engaged couples to help them create the wedding of their dreams. They take over all the wedding planning and operation requirements, consulting closely with their clients along the way. They are compassionate, caring and adept at handling the emotional elements that are tied to planning a wedding when nerves are frayed, couples get jittery and help find areas of compromise between couples and their families when there are opposing ideas on how the wedding day should unfold. Wedding planners co-ordinate the weddings from beginning to end and are on hand on the wedding day to oversee that all goes as planned. Some wedding planners also handle social events as the two event planning styles are closely aligned whereas event planners who mainly work with corporate and business related social events generally do not cross over into wedding planning as juggling the needs of these two very different clients does not tend to mesh.

If couples are considering hiring a wedding planner, I suggest they first read Your Stress Free Wedding Planner.
With this in mind, they will immediately be able to spot the level of competency of a wedding planner, and they will be able to discern if the wedding planner is experienced or not.

Experienced wedding planners are able to fully answer questions pertaining to the budget, contract and logistical problems.

Check references- not only other wedding couples that have hired them. Also check the venues in which they have held their events.

Find out their level of ability e.g. if the wedding planner has only done events for 50 guests or less and your wedding is for 500 or more, there will be a learning curve for the wedding planner – don’t let it be at your expense.

Norm:

Have you ever planned weddings for any celebrities?

Judy:

No, not weddings, but social events with Oscar winning guests and celebrities in attendance, such as the theatrical gala premiere of Beauty and the Beast and the co-ordination of Oscar winning director’s Norman Jewison’s 25th Anniversary Celebration for Fiddler on the Roof.

Norm:

Could you tell us which wedding celebration you had planned that was the most memorable and why?

Judy:

They are all memorable – each is different and unique.
However, the one that was most memorable was one where I was a guest but got involved when there was a slight glitch.

It was an outdoor reception and the staff carrying the wedding cake out to garden for the cake cutting ceremony, tripped over one of the small children that was attending the event.

The child was okay as was the wait staff but the wedding cake landed upside down. Luckily a cloth had been placed over the cake for the reveal and guests were not aware of exactly what had taken place.

The cake was carefully righted and I went into the kitchen to meet with the chef to see what the damage had done. The top of the cake was totally smashed. I quickly gathered the bridesmaids’ bouquets that matched the flowers the bride was carrying and with the chef’s help, some plastic wrap (to protect the cake from flowers as flowers were not edible etc.) and icing.

The flowers were artfully arranged on top and fresh icing was skilfully applied to mask the dents and damage. The cake was made picture perfect without guests being any the wiser and raves were given to the floral topping on the cake. The bride and groom had been advised of what happened and were trilled with the results.

Norm:

What is your idea of a unique romantic destination?

Judy:

The amount of time it takes to get to the Seychelles can be quite daunting with airline connections and layovers (depending where you are travelling) but after arrival, there was never one moment that I regretted the travel time. What is a wonderful romantic combination is doing an African safari first and then flying to the Seychelles for the rest of your stay.

Norm:

Is there anything else you would like to tell our readers about wedding planning, romantic getaways or wedding destinations?

Judy:

Should you decide to combine your wedding with your honeymoon, there are now bridal registries that handle weddings and honeymoons at upscale hotel properties around the world.

Instead of giving a toaster as a wedding gift, family and friends celebrating your nuptials can contribute to your destination wedding. As an example: the activities on your honeymoon stay, or a couples’ massage or a private romantic dinner for two after the wedding.

These individuals work with wedding specialists at the location to pre-arrange all the wedding and personalized honeymoon details.

They also advise couples on the legal issues that being married in a specific location will entail.
If couples are planning a destination wedding they need to make sure that all is in order for them to get married and to file their marriage papers after their wedding.

One couple that flew to the Caribbean for their wedding did not check into residency requirements for weddings. They did not allow sufficient time and were unable to extend their time on the island, as they had to return to work. Unfortunately, they ended up posing for wedding photographs on the beach and then getting married at home.

One last comment, I have a second wedding planner coming out in 2006 called Engaged to Married in Three Months or Less (Sourcebooks, Inc.) and I will be covering destination weddings in the book. Stay tuned!

Thanks Judy and good luck with all of your future projects.

Norm Goldman is Editor of the travel site, http://sketchandtravel.com and the book reviewing site, http://bookpleasures.com.

Norm and his artist wife Lily meld words with art focusing on romantic and wedding destinations. You can view their articles on sketchandtravel.com.

Norm also is the editor of bookpleasures.com – a group of twenty five international book reviewers who come from all walks of life.

Norm is always open to receive requests for book reviews.
In addition, Norm and Lily are always open to receive invitations to romantic resorts in the New England States & Florida.